


You've cried so much, inside it hurts.

by JackandMarkaremySunandStars (ImagineBeingSafe)



Series: Stars and Waves [1]
Category: Markiplier-fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic!Reader, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 07:19:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15019520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineBeingSafe/pseuds/JackandMarkaremySunandStars
Summary: Life can be too much and sometimes you just need to cry.But Mark is there to remind you are loved.





	You've cried so much, inside it hurts.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed comfort. Tonight I cried, because i feel very alone. 
> 
> I live alone for the moment in the apartment my mother and i used to share.
> 
> I missed her badly, and I couldn't make it better by thinking better thoughts.
> 
> I'm waiting for the approval for assistance to move out and on
> 
> for the last few years, Mark has been a safe place. I spent the night watching twitch streams i missed, watched him take care of Dinos and run Jurassic park- {poorly} -trying to forget.  
> I wrote this to give me what i need right now. What I don't have.

It's stupid. You've made it though a lot worse. Even when you didn't want to.

 

But right now. Right now you feel everything you fight against everyday. And its dragging you down.

 

Mark isn't here, and you'd go to him if he was.

 

He's doing a 'Van Vlog.'

 

He had wanted you with him, but as new as your reationship is-

 

 -as low as your faith in yourself is-

 

You declined.

 

It may be the last time you can get away with it, Mark wants you with him, working with him.

 

You don't hate the idea.

 

You are just unsure.

 

With him at your side, everything would be alright. You hope.

 

Chica's with him too.

 

You'd meant to use this time to write.

 

Instead, your thoughts had turned inward, and you'd dropped into the deep end.

 

You useally can get yourself out by reminding yourself of what you do have.

 

But not this time.

 

You cry. You cry hard. All snot and tears and drool.  The world weights you down, crushing you.

 

All you've done wrong, every mistake, all that led you here.

 

You drown in it.

 

+

 

Mark walked in, shut the door, and let Chica off her leash.

 

Today had been tiring, but worth it.  Y/N was coming next time, though.

 

Speaking of Y/N…

 

He calls out after you.

 

He checks the spots you are most likely to be, ending in the bedroom.

 

You were in the center of the bed, facing the wall, curled around one of his pillows.

 

Smiling softly at your curled up form, he sits on the bed, and rubs a hand down your back.

 

"Y/N? Babe, I'm home."

 

Your eyes open. Smiling sleepily at getting what you wanted-

 

-Mark, home with you and happy to be there-

 

-You stretch, and roll toward him.

 

You end up with your head in his lap, and one of his arms draped over you.

 

He just holds you for a moment, and you both bask in the closeness.

 

The room is dim, it's early evening. Mark reaches over you to turn on the light.

 

Your eyes burn in the brightness, still irritated by your earlier tears.

 

Mark turns back to face you, and his face changes to concern. He can see your still red eyes and nose.

 

"What happened while I was gone today?" he asks, in a voice laced with worry.

 

"I- I Just. Thought too hard? About life? I'm alright. I think a big cry was coming, and I-

 

-I do feel better."

 

You get properly pulled into Mark's arms, your back against his chest, his head on your shoulder.

 

And though you always have trouble reading peoples emotions, you, **for once** , know _exactly where his mind went._

 

You'd had suicidal thoughts before. He knew this.

 

 _"No_ , Mark."

 

You catch his hands and hold them.

 

"My mind didn't go there tonight. I was just… **_sad._** If it got that bad, _I'd call you."_

 

 _"Good._ Because you know you're important, right? Loved. More important that any video, because I can reshoot, if I need to- ** _I can't replace you."_**

 

"I know. And if I forget-

 

"I'll just repeat it until you've got it by heart again." Mark vows.

 

+

 

After he asks you if you've eaten today, you get pulled to the kitchen, when you make a feast out of odds and ends you pull out of the fridge.

 

You want chocolate, though, and you look for a recipe you saved, [brownie cookies.](https://www.ihearteating.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/brownie-cookie-1000.jpg)

 

After they bake, you toss together sundaes out of the cookies, vanilla ice cream, and cherry pie filling.

 

You spend the rest of the night within arms reach of each other.


End file.
